Let Go…..

Let Go—

We raised you with love and tenderness,
  We gave you all the worldly happiness,
  We surrounded you with all the kindness,
  You responded and returned all that gentleness.

But now I have to learn to let go.
  I finally emerge,
from the interlude of the emotional blackmail 
 And tears of my wounded heart’s wail.

So my child,
 I set you free to your own universe.
 I set you free from my bondage of desires.
I set you free with happy tears in my eyes.

Forever,

Open my heart and open my door,
I’m happy you come, discern you don’t.
————


Let Go….

            The relation of a son to his mother is like a petal to a delicate flower. He is a part of her whole being.  So how and when does she learn to sort out and separate that part of her heart?
As a child, he cried every time as I walked away from him. The day had come when I had to leave him at preschool with other children. I can’t forget when I peeked in through a window and saw him standing there with the most curious but sad face. Time flies. He went to middle school, then high school and started to think that the world started with him and his parents did not know a thing. We, the parents, were amused and looked forward to the arrival of the day of his self-realization!  Although confident during his ups and downs, successes and failures, he needed the love and assurance of his parents. Mom was always available, no doubt about it.

I saw him flying away to a great university for higher education but still he remained well connected with his mother.
I would ask on the phone, “Do you eat well?”
“Yes mom.”
“Did you do your laundry?”
“YES! Can you send me some goodies in a care package as you did last time?”   “Oh, sure,” I would say and get busy preparing that care package as if I did not have anything else to do. I took a breath of relief when that package would be in the mail.
“Did you receive the package?”
“Yes, mom, and I shared it with my friends as you had written in your sweet note.”
Days and years go by, our lives highlighted with his phone calls and visits. Many small and not so small decisions are made together. “Son, do it this way.” “Yes, mom, that is a good idea.” Mom felt connected with her son.
We had several serious discussions about our expectations of him.
“Be very careful in choosing your life partner.”
“Oh I forgot to mention, I have a close friend.”
I was speechless for a while but recovered and asked. “What’s her name?”
“Shayna.”
“Is she a new friend? You never mentioned her name before.”
“Oh, we’ve been dating since –maybe—since our first semester!”
“Son! That is almost two years.”
“Mom, you are right.” Always quite cool, his responses.

Here I was, boiling inside. This child, who I thought shared all his feelings with me, sounded very casual about this very important aspect of his life. I started to realize that many things must be happening with him that I was not aware of!

Finally we met the girlfriend at their graduation. After formal greetings, unknowingly, I was trying my best to impress upon her how important we are in his life and added some insight of our general attitude.
I said, “We give our children freedom to choose their partner.”  I thought she would feel, “Aha, how liberal and nice these people are.” But she did not get the message and remained a stranger to us for the rest of the visit and then some.
I would ask my son, “So. . . how serious are you in this relationship?”
“We are friends, taking it one day at a time.”

This child, whom I thought always valued our opinions, never asked, “What do you think about this person?  Is she right for me?”
I gave my opinion sometimes without being asked, and he listened carefully.
“Son, we don’t feel connected with your girl.”
“Oh, mom! That will happen — you have to be patient.” Well, several years did not seem like long enough. I started to pray, “God! Grant me patience, but hurry.”

Days and months and years went by. Step by step I saw my child turning into a separate individual. That year, as usual, I was ready to book his ticket to come home for the special Millennium Christmas-New Year. He told me that he wanted to go somewhere to celebrate the New Year with his girlfriend. I did not want to feel bad, but it felt like a stab to my chest.

The realizations and revelations kept on coming. I learned to let go by looking at the situation from a different perspective. I could see that he was still in my close family circle, but I would not be able to penetrate this adjoining circle of his adulthood. The tears used to start rolling at unexpected moments. I always had been such a balanced person, never overly emotional, but as far as he was concerned, my emotions welled up through my eyes. I was determined to deal with this emotional roller coaster with my spiritual strength.

The greatest lesson is taught to you by the person you love most: “Love does not expect anything in return.” Be ready to be tested. He is pulled in different directions. So now I have to learn to let go. I am always thinking and contemplating with my earnest, aching heart. Why is it that my heart contracts with pain as I think of letting him go, at the same time I feel my spirit soar? Finally, I feel like a leaf floating on a serenely flowing river, as in meditation. The ocean of love is all around me. I just have to learn to drink from my sweet, stored water to cherish the rest of my journey. I am sure my son will be nearby to replenish my jug of life.

——————-

                                                                                                                   

comment:
Hi Saryu, I enjoyed reading these and can certainly relate to the sentiments.  I’ve inserted only a few comments.  I especially like your use of direct quotations, your metaphors, and your unique use of words (like “careenly”).
Love,
Dr.Vivian Brown

 

 Solace

  Oh! Tender trail of emotions, life always in motion
Console trifle narrow notions; learn desireless devotion

It was long ago inlay, he was sweet sunshine in rain
At his first blessed breath she gave a smile, even in pain

Immersed in caring and caress, hover to cover from duress
The ties were getting very tight, binding both with subtler might

Time flew, giving him worldly wings, a novel land new song to sing
Here Ma perched to reminisce,  feeling the hurt of his remiss

Soon she learns to just submerge within herself, dissolves the urge
Freely flows the stream of love and gives it all a
.way to merge

Why so hard is it for Mom to slip away to let bygones?
Sure her love carreenly carved in her old’n weary bones
———–

સંતાનને……. 

ભાવભર્યા    પ્રેમ    મધુ   ગીતે   ઉછેર્યાં,

સંસારી   સુખચેન    સુવિધા    વર્ષાવ્યા,
હેતાળે     પ્રેમાળે     કામળે     લપેટ્યા,
હૈયાની   હુંફમાં  હિલોળા,   ઓ  બાળ  મારા!

મીઠાં  અમ   મમતાના  કુમળાં   આસ્વાદને,

વળતરમાં    આનંદે     ભરીયા   આવાસને,
હાસ્યે  અમ   દિલને   બહેલાવ્યા  અશેષને,
હૈયાની  હુંફમાં   હિલોળા,  ઓ બાળ મારા!


પણ, આવી છે આજ  ઘડી શીખવાની ,ત્યજવાની.

આગળ  એ  ક્યાંય  ગયા,  નવજીવન   નવ  સાથી.
પાછળ  તું  વલખા    કાં   મારે , ઓ  જીવ  મારા?
આંસુના   તોરણ  ને   ઉંના   નિશ્વાસ   પછી.
મન  મનન   મંથન  ને  ઉરના   ઉજાસ  પછી.


આપુ   છુ,  મુક્તિ  આજ  તારા   નવજીવનમાં,

આપુ  છુ,   મુક્તિ  મારી   આશાના   બંધનમાં,
આપુ  છુ,  આંસુ  સાથ  ખુશી  મારા  નયનોમાં,
સાચા  આ  સ્નેહની  કસોટી, ઓ  બાળ  મારા!


તું  જ્યારે  ચાહે, છે  ખુલ્લુ  આ  દ્વાર   મારું,

આવે     તો     વારુ,    ના   આવે     ઓવારૂં.


સમજાવું

માના આ મનવાને   ફરીને   બહુ    દિનથી બહેલાવું
સર્વબ્રહ્મ છે,  સર્વબ્રહ્મ છે,   કહી    કહીને   સમજાવું


સાધક જીવડો  તોય ફરી   જ્યમ  મધમાખી  મધુપુંજે

પરિવર્તન    ને   આવર્તનના    વર્તુળે    જઈ   ગુંજે


નવમાસ   એક  અંગ   બનાવી  ચેતન   ઝરે  જનેતા

પ્રથમ  પ્રાણ  પૂર્યાની   પીડા  આનંદ   અશ્રુ   કહેતાં


અહ્રનિશ   ને   એકધ્યાન  લઈ   પારેવા   પાલવમાં

આગળપાછળ   ઓતપ્રોત  એ  પોષણ ને પાલનમાં


‘ના  મેલતો  ઘડી  ય  છેડો’,  હસીને   યાદ   કરે  છે

ખુશ છે, આજે  ઘડી   મળે  તો   માને  સંભારે   છે


નવીડાળ   ને  નવાફૂલ,  અંહી વ્હાલપ વળ છૂટે ના

સમય  સાર  સંસાર  મા  સમજે,  તોયે કળ વળે ના


મોહજાળ   મમતાની    ચાહે   મુક્તિના  અજવાળા

સહેજે  હો  સંયોગ  વિયોગ  ને  સમતાના  સરવાળા
———–

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4 ટિપ્પણીઓ (+add yours?)

  1. nipa dave
    ડીસેમ્બર 30, 2011 @ 17:30:01

    hi saryuben ,that was very touchy,very nicely expressed,tears rolled down my cheeks,but i think slowly he will understand..

    Like

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  2. Trackback: » Let Go….. » GujaratiLinks.com
  3. CL Bedi
    જુલાઈ 17, 2011 @ 14:06:21

    Saryu ji,
    You are bold enough to express the experience of most of us. This is style of our system right from eternity and not a new one.
    That’s why our saints have taught us to increase our spiritual strength to face such eventualities. The only need of hour is that we must face it as being inevitable and more so cheerfully.
    Similar situations will have to be faced even by ‘children of today’ at a later date. If this fact is realized by all today, the intensity of shock given or taken will be lesser.
    You have unique quality of expression’ Keep it up.
    Regards.
    CLB

    Like

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